I do not understand why when two people spend so many years together they can not end it and be civil. Why must they throw comments at each other about the past. Who did what and so on. Every time we speak about the children, he says something to stir a stink. How do you deal with it?Why does everything your ex say drive you mad?
I would just sit and listen or say thats the past , she was just doing it to start an argument and get me wound up , just let it go in one ear and out the other......Why does everything your ex say drive you mad?
Once I served the papers, I never spoke to him again. IT made things SO much easier and drove him BATS!!!
it's like a hidden golden rule for people for some reason. I think that the reason they can't act civil toward each other is cause they still have some feelings they haven't talked through and by striking back in a rude way they feel like they are getting something lifted off their shoulders. but really it's only a temporary fix. Try sitting there and talking to him, let him get out every single thing that bothers him out, you do the same and maybe he can act more civil to you and you to him.
how i wish i know the answer too....
It is called stupidly. This is some who is not willing let the past go. It is really the both of you. You what to stand there and take on the fight. The thing to do is keep your mouth shut agree with him and walk a way. No mater how much it hurts in what he says. Keping your moth shut is the best thing to do.
I believe people do things like that when they know in their heart of hearts that they themself didn't do what was right in the relationship and now they are trying to force the other person to believe that it was all them.
i wish i knew and i so wish he didn't speak.
my brother is like that....just ignore him when he starts an arguement...and let him feel like he's won the arguement and avoid the whole thing...
Two reasons: One, the anger is still there. It's like a bucket of water filled to the top, and every drop after that overflows. Two, he needs to feel that he was in the right. Divorce is usually harder than marriage.
Friday, August 20, 2010
How do you get your ex to stop liking you???
heres the deal me and my ex broke up about two months ago... it only lasted one and a half months. when ever he was having a pissy day he would do something totally stupid that would me and make me miserable. he also told one of his friends (my friend too) that he should totally do me... i mean come on that is discusting. once i had heard that it was through and i broke up with him. now two months later we are friends and i have told him that over and over again but i guess he's not listening cause he just keeps trying and trying. i am now trying to make him stop liking me because none of my other methods haven't work... HELP ME!!!How do you get your ex to stop liking you???
Start seeing other boys, and don't see him as much (or at all!). Even though you tell him you just want to be friends, it gives him hope of getting back together with you. He did something rude to you, and you shouldn't see him no more. Trust me, you deserve better, and you can always do better than him. :]How do you get your ex to stop liking you???
This is when having a male buddy is a great thing to have! AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ';WE ARE FRIENDS ?'; When your ex is a really great lover, sometimes women will keep him around as 'Plan B'. You are in denial of how bad this guy really is because you are giving him the space to be emotionally involved! It sounds like you aren't exactly beating him off with a stick!
you need to cut him off completely, there is almost no such thing as ex's becoming friends, well maybe if it's a gay situation but any ways just get rid of him. He's no good just going to bring u drama and spread more BS go find urself someone better. Good luck!
do something that makes him despise you. tell him he has a small dick. make out with other guess in front of him. tell him your gonna call a hit on him. thats what mine did
btw i dont have a small dick thank you
ignore calls someimes or say you are busy... being a lying lil b**ch will eventually get rid of him just as long as ur rep doesn't change because of it
Mail him your pimple exudations, regularly. If that doesn't do it, you;re just too lovable.
throw poop on them. or give them the finger every time you see them. or have your old man rough him up.
Stop being friends with him. Ignore him. Stop all communications with him.
Just stop talking to him, tell him you want nothing to do with him.
tell him to go find someone else and stop obsessing over you
you have to stop talking to him. what you see as ';being freinds'; he sees as a ';chance';.
you Should let him do u
sleep with there best friend
Start seeing other boys, and don't see him as much (or at all!). Even though you tell him you just want to be friends, it gives him hope of getting back together with you. He did something rude to you, and you shouldn't see him no more. Trust me, you deserve better, and you can always do better than him. :]How do you get your ex to stop liking you???
This is when having a male buddy is a great thing to have! AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ';WE ARE FRIENDS ?'; When your ex is a really great lover, sometimes women will keep him around as 'Plan B'. You are in denial of how bad this guy really is because you are giving him the space to be emotionally involved! It sounds like you aren't exactly beating him off with a stick!
you need to cut him off completely, there is almost no such thing as ex's becoming friends, well maybe if it's a gay situation but any ways just get rid of him. He's no good just going to bring u drama and spread more BS go find urself someone better. Good luck!
do something that makes him despise you. tell him he has a small dick. make out with other guess in front of him. tell him your gonna call a hit on him. thats what mine did
btw i dont have a small dick thank you
ignore calls someimes or say you are busy... being a lying lil b**ch will eventually get rid of him just as long as ur rep doesn't change because of it
Mail him your pimple exudations, regularly. If that doesn't do it, you;re just too lovable.
throw poop on them. or give them the finger every time you see them. or have your old man rough him up.
Stop being friends with him. Ignore him. Stop all communications with him.
Just stop talking to him, tell him you want nothing to do with him.
tell him to go find someone else and stop obsessing over you
you have to stop talking to him. what you see as ';being freinds'; he sees as a ';chance';.
you Should let him do u
sleep with there best friend
Seeing your ex with some1 new??
Have you ever walked into a pub etc and saw your ex with someone new,how did you deal with it?
I just know it`s going to happen to me sooner or later and i honestly dont know how i`ll cope.We were together 6 years and have a child together and the thought of it is killing me,i truly think i`d kill them both.Seeing your ex with some1 new??
act like it doesn't bother you. go up to them and say hello... introduce yourself as the mother of his child and then keep moving. express confidence and don't let them see that it bothers you to see them together. it will make you look like the better person and it will leave them in shock. if you let them see you bothered, you will just look crazy in their eyes and she will feel proud that she has your past man... then that will just drive you even more insane. just act like a lady and have your confidence shine through. let them be jealous of YOU. not the other way around hun :)Seeing your ex with some1 new??
it hurts and we all know it just be sure not to go up to ur kid and say ';guess what daddy got a new woman!!';
good luck
Kelse
you'be got real issues just say hi to him afterall surely you want to keep it civil for the sake of your child and then just ignore them for the rest of the night or it it bothers you that much just go someplace else. no big deal really is it?
I would go to bits inside, but if they had got on with life then I should too. Life is too short, enjoy it with your child. You will soon find someone else. Good luck. I wish you the best.
Violence is never right.
So just imagine if the opposite happened. A great mistake
could be made. Try to take-on-board what those four words
mean. Re-temper ur attitude, and try to hone that learned skill
again. Join the minority, try to adjust against the worst majority
instinct.
Good luck.
when I seen my ex in the pub with someone else,I was livid,but thats life,Im also the mother of a young adult with learning difficulties,are you scared of what the future holds for you,,please dont be, you will come through this and it will make you a stronger person,the very best of luck to you in the future.
It is going to hard theres no doubt about that. But I am sure once you have seen them once, the hardest part will be out of the way. I still find it hard seeing my long term ex now after 5 years of us being seperated, and I am with someone else! You have the added sadness that you have a child together so you are going to have to see him and he may even want ';her'; to be part of your childs life eventually too, that will be harder I should imagine. When you find yourself a new fella though it should be much better. Good luck!
you got to ponder on the fact that you must have broken up with this guy for strong valid reasons.and keep those reasons rite in front of your mind. then it wont bother you too much. so what if he is with some one else,ignore it and move on. there should be no looking back .keep fit and be confident.unless you close old doors,the new ones wont open. his chapter in your life has ended,so wether he's wid tina ,rina or his grandmom it should not matter to you.now relax and good things will happen to you and your kid.
if u accept the break then why should the ex issue bother u. Just be 9c and pretend for the periods they are there and with time u'll get over it or ask him or her back if u asked for the break.
All the best
I've seen my ex with her new fella, i really thought it would bother me a lot more (maybe B/C im seeing some one new didn't bother me as much) i just ignored her...?!
If you see them be happy, let him know whats he's miising out on..!!
SORRY TO HEAR THAT........THAT WOULD WIND ME UP....BUT JUST SMILE AT THEM AND WAVE....COR THAT WOULD PISS EM OFF....GD LUCK
Why?
Its over, if they are with somone new then its obviously over for them... seriously move on.. and up!
You just look silly if you go funny.... also if you go to prison for killing them where would your child go?? to him and this new woman?!! i dont think so!!! lol just avoid his usal haunts i guess.. good luck!
da hell...kill em both? dang u guys are no longer together so u shouldnt be mad....well 6 year relationship ud prolly still have feelings w/ him/her,wtf why did u break up wit da person...just get someone new and tell ur ex u guys had sex 2 times a day...for 5 hours ea time u guys did have sex...
Hiya, happened me at weekend, i was goin out with ex for 6 years and even though i knew all the girls he has been seeing since we split i never saw him with one until this weekend. Its a year later and i have no intention of gettin back wit him but it was still upsetting, best thing to do is just smile and say hi and then if possible make a quick exit or keep them out of eyeshot so ur not torturing urself. Try and stay strong and dont fall to pieces, leave that till u get home if necessary, few tears never hurt anyone but dont blub in front of him, ul be very unattractive :) Good luck!!
You cant let them see it, no matter how much it hurts. You'll get through it and one day you will look back and this will be like a tiny drop in the ocean that is your life and you'll think why the f*ck was i that bothered. Life is too short. x
well its hard i agree, but you should learn to let go, or opt for a new place to live in till you r mentally strong to face such scenes without the thought of murder going through ur head
yeah, those are hard things to overcome, especially with a child together.
Best be correct, it may hurt but you can always walk out and go to another pub, if they see you then you should be polite and say hello, nothing more.
Continue on and hang out with your friends and then suggest another place to go to.
Good luck hon!
no, try not 2 think like that.
it's not good 4 u, him, the new girl or ur baby.
if u ever come across this situation, u'll need 2 take a step back %26amp; 4 the sake of ur child resist any temptation 2 kill.
u have 2 get on 4 the sake of ur child %26amp; it's really not worth lowering urself 2 fisty-cuffs!
is it?
go find urself some1 better %26amp; move on.
I have, and I can say i am not looking forward to it again myself as this area of Cinci is very small. It floors you pretty hard making safe passage for the two of them really.
-NmD!
I saw my ex with another woman at a restaurant. I had the waitress take them drinks from me. When he looked my way, I told him, ';Bottoms up.'; We both laughed. Later that night he called me and thanked me for the drinks. We're friends and I had no problem seeing him with someone else. Life goes on.
Dont do anything foolish, say hello and look confident and proud dont let the guy and girl think they have defeated you!!!
say hi by nodding for greeting him then ignore him and don't look his way, if u get so uncomfortable stay for a little while then leave the place
Hasn't happened. I KNOW I'd kill them both.
Its HARD!!!! Particularly when you havent been split long - even if you broke up on bad terms and hate their guts - it is still heartwrenching to see them look at someone the way they used look at you!
My only advice is if you do see them - position yourself with your back to them - or just somewhere were you wont end up unknowingly staring at them.
xx
Yes it hurts, but don't ever let them see it, he has moved on it is time for you to do the same, try to be friends for the sake of your child, but recognize that that part of your life is over
When it happens just smile.
Dont let him see its hurting you, strut you stuff and let him see what hes missing!
Grab the nearest bloke and flirt with him, it will piss him off and make you feel better!
Then sit back and watch the look on his face when he see's your not botherd.
Try and take your mind of thinking about him by having great nights out with the girls and find a new person for yourself!
You gotta gotta gotta find someone new, dont go on killing people! cos then you'd have the rest of your life to think about what you did in a cell-- you dont want that, for your kid at least....
my, i can see jealousy starting to crop up, better deal with it before it grows
Never happened, but it's means that they have moved on and so should you.
I live in a fairly small community (Milwaukee) and it is not difficult to run into your ex with their latest fling.
It is hard, but live and let live. . .time for you to believe in yourself and move on. Do what you do, let them do as they do, so long as your child is not involved in any witness to any name calling, etc.
Best wishes
I just know it`s going to happen to me sooner or later and i honestly dont know how i`ll cope.We were together 6 years and have a child together and the thought of it is killing me,i truly think i`d kill them both.Seeing your ex with some1 new??
act like it doesn't bother you. go up to them and say hello... introduce yourself as the mother of his child and then keep moving. express confidence and don't let them see that it bothers you to see them together. it will make you look like the better person and it will leave them in shock. if you let them see you bothered, you will just look crazy in their eyes and she will feel proud that she has your past man... then that will just drive you even more insane. just act like a lady and have your confidence shine through. let them be jealous of YOU. not the other way around hun :)Seeing your ex with some1 new??
it hurts and we all know it just be sure not to go up to ur kid and say ';guess what daddy got a new woman!!';
good luck
Kelse
you'be got real issues just say hi to him afterall surely you want to keep it civil for the sake of your child and then just ignore them for the rest of the night or it it bothers you that much just go someplace else. no big deal really is it?
I would go to bits inside, but if they had got on with life then I should too. Life is too short, enjoy it with your child. You will soon find someone else. Good luck. I wish you the best.
Violence is never right.
So just imagine if the opposite happened. A great mistake
could be made. Try to take-on-board what those four words
mean. Re-temper ur attitude, and try to hone that learned skill
again. Join the minority, try to adjust against the worst majority
instinct.
Good luck.
when I seen my ex in the pub with someone else,I was livid,but thats life,Im also the mother of a young adult with learning difficulties,are you scared of what the future holds for you,,please dont be, you will come through this and it will make you a stronger person,the very best of luck to you in the future.
It is going to hard theres no doubt about that. But I am sure once you have seen them once, the hardest part will be out of the way. I still find it hard seeing my long term ex now after 5 years of us being seperated, and I am with someone else! You have the added sadness that you have a child together so you are going to have to see him and he may even want ';her'; to be part of your childs life eventually too, that will be harder I should imagine. When you find yourself a new fella though it should be much better. Good luck!
you got to ponder on the fact that you must have broken up with this guy for strong valid reasons.and keep those reasons rite in front of your mind. then it wont bother you too much. so what if he is with some one else,ignore it and move on. there should be no looking back .keep fit and be confident.unless you close old doors,the new ones wont open. his chapter in your life has ended,so wether he's wid tina ,rina or his grandmom it should not matter to you.now relax and good things will happen to you and your kid.
if u accept the break then why should the ex issue bother u. Just be 9c and pretend for the periods they are there and with time u'll get over it or ask him or her back if u asked for the break.
All the best
I've seen my ex with her new fella, i really thought it would bother me a lot more (maybe B/C im seeing some one new didn't bother me as much) i just ignored her...?!
If you see them be happy, let him know whats he's miising out on..!!
SORRY TO HEAR THAT........THAT WOULD WIND ME UP....BUT JUST SMILE AT THEM AND WAVE....COR THAT WOULD PISS EM OFF....GD LUCK
Why?
Its over, if they are with somone new then its obviously over for them... seriously move on.. and up!
You just look silly if you go funny.... also if you go to prison for killing them where would your child go?? to him and this new woman?!! i dont think so!!! lol just avoid his usal haunts i guess.. good luck!
da hell...kill em both? dang u guys are no longer together so u shouldnt be mad....well 6 year relationship ud prolly still have feelings w/ him/her,wtf why did u break up wit da person...just get someone new and tell ur ex u guys had sex 2 times a day...for 5 hours ea time u guys did have sex...
Hiya, happened me at weekend, i was goin out with ex for 6 years and even though i knew all the girls he has been seeing since we split i never saw him with one until this weekend. Its a year later and i have no intention of gettin back wit him but it was still upsetting, best thing to do is just smile and say hi and then if possible make a quick exit or keep them out of eyeshot so ur not torturing urself. Try and stay strong and dont fall to pieces, leave that till u get home if necessary, few tears never hurt anyone but dont blub in front of him, ul be very unattractive :) Good luck!!
You cant let them see it, no matter how much it hurts. You'll get through it and one day you will look back and this will be like a tiny drop in the ocean that is your life and you'll think why the f*ck was i that bothered. Life is too short. x
well its hard i agree, but you should learn to let go, or opt for a new place to live in till you r mentally strong to face such scenes without the thought of murder going through ur head
yeah, those are hard things to overcome, especially with a child together.
Best be correct, it may hurt but you can always walk out and go to another pub, if they see you then you should be polite and say hello, nothing more.
Continue on and hang out with your friends and then suggest another place to go to.
Good luck hon!
no, try not 2 think like that.
it's not good 4 u, him, the new girl or ur baby.
if u ever come across this situation, u'll need 2 take a step back %26amp; 4 the sake of ur child resist any temptation 2 kill.
u have 2 get on 4 the sake of ur child %26amp; it's really not worth lowering urself 2 fisty-cuffs!
is it?
go find urself some1 better %26amp; move on.
I have, and I can say i am not looking forward to it again myself as this area of Cinci is very small. It floors you pretty hard making safe passage for the two of them really.
-NmD!
I saw my ex with another woman at a restaurant. I had the waitress take them drinks from me. When he looked my way, I told him, ';Bottoms up.'; We both laughed. Later that night he called me and thanked me for the drinks. We're friends and I had no problem seeing him with someone else. Life goes on.
Dont do anything foolish, say hello and look confident and proud dont let the guy and girl think they have defeated you!!!
say hi by nodding for greeting him then ignore him and don't look his way, if u get so uncomfortable stay for a little while then leave the place
Hasn't happened. I KNOW I'd kill them both.
Its HARD!!!! Particularly when you havent been split long - even if you broke up on bad terms and hate their guts - it is still heartwrenching to see them look at someone the way they used look at you!
My only advice is if you do see them - position yourself with your back to them - or just somewhere were you wont end up unknowingly staring at them.
xx
Yes it hurts, but don't ever let them see it, he has moved on it is time for you to do the same, try to be friends for the sake of your child, but recognize that that part of your life is over
When it happens just smile.
Dont let him see its hurting you, strut you stuff and let him see what hes missing!
Grab the nearest bloke and flirt with him, it will piss him off and make you feel better!
Then sit back and watch the look on his face when he see's your not botherd.
Try and take your mind of thinking about him by having great nights out with the girls and find a new person for yourself!
You gotta gotta gotta find someone new, dont go on killing people! cos then you'd have the rest of your life to think about what you did in a cell-- you dont want that, for your kid at least....
my, i can see jealousy starting to crop up, better deal with it before it grows
Never happened, but it's means that they have moved on and so should you.
I live in a fairly small community (Milwaukee) and it is not difficult to run into your ex with their latest fling.
It is hard, but live and let live. . .time for you to believe in yourself and move on. Do what you do, let them do as they do, so long as your child is not involved in any witness to any name calling, etc.
Best wishes
How to deal with your current partner and their ex?
My partner and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We have an 18 month old son together. He has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom we have 50/50 (one week on, one week off).
When we first got together, he stated he was divorced. He was actually only separated, which I found out 2 months into my pregnancy. His reason for not telling me was that he doesn't see a difference as they have been separated for 4 years (at the time) and therefore are divorced in his eyes.
We went through many issues throughout our relationship and I left him in January of this year. I moved back in in August after 4 months of intensive counselling and affirmations from him that he would cut back on his friendship with his ex wife (they surpass the ';normal'; ex relationship by maintaining a friendship out side the parameters of their daughter). I am highly uncomfortable with the nature of their relationship as it impacts our family life on a consistent basis. In addition he had promised to finalize the divorce so that we could get married (we also want another child, but I am adamant that we be married first).
Today we got in a big arguement as he has not completed these tasks. The divorce is still not finalized (it's the end of October) and he is still friendly with her in a manner that makes me uncomfortable. I want a positive relationship between them for the sake of his daughter, but the friendship stretches the limits.
Right now I am very unhappy. I do not know what the appropriate action to take is. Do I leave him as he is not doing the things he said he would or following through on things and I feel miserable all the time? Or do I stick it out as leaving would be damaging to the children?
He's a good father, but our relationship is faltering. Even with counselling, he refused to do what the counsellor suggested because he didn't agree with it. I am at a loss.
I DO love him, but I am not willing to be a doormat and play second fiddle to another woman for the rest of my life. I want a partner whose loyalites lie with me and our family (which includes his daughter).
Advice is appreciated. Thank you everyone.How to deal with your current partner and their ex?
IMO...make arrangements to leave and find a way to raise your child separately.
The flat out worst thing you can do is bring this type of environment to your child, as you appear to be helpless and the frustration/angst between the two of you will continue to grow in the present household.
You both have attended counseling, and a professional with no ties to this relationship has suggested something to this man and he refuses to do it. What does that tell you? This counselor has nothing to gain and in fact, if the relationship were to get better, the both of you would be inclined to see him more...I know this through experience.
I am sorry to say this, but until this individual decides to accomodate some of the sensitivities that you have, you will only become more and more hurt and frustrated, your child will see this, and your child will grow up witnessing an abusive household.How to deal with your current partner and their ex?
unfortunately the ex will never go away. I think it is better if they are friends, but you should be included, so you don't feel insecure. The lie would bother me. I can see why he said that though, he didn't want to scare you away at the beginning, but it's time to get that divorce settled.
it sounds like you already know what the answer is and you just need somebody to validate your feelings. if he is not cooperating with counseling then there is nothing you can do. it sounds like you are putting more of an effort into fixing the relationship than he is and thats not fair. you deserve to feel like a priority in a mans life and it is time for you to quit wasting time with this guy and find someone who treats you right so you can start a life with them. there is no such thing as staying together for the kids when you are miserable, that doesnt make them happy
You say you don't want to be a doormat but somehow - HOW?! - you have no problem creating circs that turn your children into floorcloths! How is it that you are unable or unwilling to see the harm your selfish whelping poses to the innocents? Clearly, husband is unwilling to follow through on obligations he undertook during counselling and if you stay you show him that's OK with you. You're precisely where you were before you left, yet strangely, your answer to the dilemma is procreation! Of all things! What are you using for brains and a heart, one wonders? Hurry and pack your bags before the number of victims of this unfortunate relationship increases any further and make appt with a new therapist/counsellor to find out why you think more sex is an answer to fundamental marital discord.
Strange how neither you nor his ex mind this guy making fools of you. Why is that, I wonder? Does he purposely seek partners so damaged they'll put up with anything?
Hurry! Pack up!
He lied to you, and he shouldn't have. You need to tell him tomorrow is Monday...he has until Friday to make a huge effort to finalize the divorce. There needs to be a court date....he needs to come up with a custody agreement (his side of it anyway), he needs to get this moving. If he does not, then Friday you will start considering other things (such as moving out and filing for child support when your baby is born) because you deserve better than this. You won't be lied to and treated like crap. He knocked you up, and he is going to take responsibility for his actions.
Leave him. He lied to you in a very fundamental way. He can tell you all he wants that ';because they were separated for 4 years and they're divorced in his eyes.'; That argument has a hole the size of Cleveland in it. Legally, he is still married - who really cares what he thinks? - and on a practical level, anyone who hasn't completed a divorce in 4 years has more issues than a shelf full of National Geographics.
Bluntly, he is still married to her for a reason. And what's worse is, you know it.
Staying with him is damaging to YOU. And the children. So don't kid yourself that swallowing your misery every day is a good and noble sacrifice. He has told you clearly by his actions that that he is going to do exactly what he wants to do. You know you just don't matter. You also know what you deserve, which is someone who wants you as much as you want them.
You know your only choice is to leave. I can see it. You just need someone else to see what you see. I do. Please don't argue with him anymore. Just don't waste your time. He lied from the beginning, in the most fundamental way possible, for his own selfish and narcissistic purposes. I'm so sorry - but it doesn't change the situation. Keep smiling - but run, and keep running.
first off all your probably not going get out of it if its his daughter you just have to learn how to handle it because if you ask him to choice you or your daughter its probably gonna be his daughter but sense you have a son together i know its complicated but if you love him you will stay by his side trust me i just got away from my husbands crazy ex it was hell
Omg girl I imagine how u feel. I would try talking to him again and express how much he is hurting you. He has to understand that its not okay to have that kind of relationship with his ex. he needs to have communication with her because of their daughter but no need to be bffs or he should really analize his feelings if he still loves her he needs to let u go and stop hurting u. I agree with u about not having. Kids at least not right now. If u have tried different methods to try to solve the problem and he won't bother to try any of them he's not even making an effort honestly what do u think it means................I don't think he loves u. I know that's not what u want to hear but I know u want everyone to be honest .
I hope I'm wrong and after u talk to him things get better.
Good luck girl.
Just because 2 people get a divorce does not mean they have to nasty to one another they have a child together and until the child is atleast 18 yrs old he will always have to communicate with that child's mother so why not be civil towards each other ...You will drive this man away if you are not careful ..I can see you are very immature jealous person ,And one more thing you will always be second fiddleinternet security short hair cut
When we first got together, he stated he was divorced. He was actually only separated, which I found out 2 months into my pregnancy. His reason for not telling me was that he doesn't see a difference as they have been separated for 4 years (at the time) and therefore are divorced in his eyes.
We went through many issues throughout our relationship and I left him in January of this year. I moved back in in August after 4 months of intensive counselling and affirmations from him that he would cut back on his friendship with his ex wife (they surpass the ';normal'; ex relationship by maintaining a friendship out side the parameters of their daughter). I am highly uncomfortable with the nature of their relationship as it impacts our family life on a consistent basis. In addition he had promised to finalize the divorce so that we could get married (we also want another child, but I am adamant that we be married first).
Today we got in a big arguement as he has not completed these tasks. The divorce is still not finalized (it's the end of October) and he is still friendly with her in a manner that makes me uncomfortable. I want a positive relationship between them for the sake of his daughter, but the friendship stretches the limits.
Right now I am very unhappy. I do not know what the appropriate action to take is. Do I leave him as he is not doing the things he said he would or following through on things and I feel miserable all the time? Or do I stick it out as leaving would be damaging to the children?
He's a good father, but our relationship is faltering. Even with counselling, he refused to do what the counsellor suggested because he didn't agree with it. I am at a loss.
I DO love him, but I am not willing to be a doormat and play second fiddle to another woman for the rest of my life. I want a partner whose loyalites lie with me and our family (which includes his daughter).
Advice is appreciated. Thank you everyone.How to deal with your current partner and their ex?
IMO...make arrangements to leave and find a way to raise your child separately.
The flat out worst thing you can do is bring this type of environment to your child, as you appear to be helpless and the frustration/angst between the two of you will continue to grow in the present household.
You both have attended counseling, and a professional with no ties to this relationship has suggested something to this man and he refuses to do it. What does that tell you? This counselor has nothing to gain and in fact, if the relationship were to get better, the both of you would be inclined to see him more...I know this through experience.
I am sorry to say this, but until this individual decides to accomodate some of the sensitivities that you have, you will only become more and more hurt and frustrated, your child will see this, and your child will grow up witnessing an abusive household.How to deal with your current partner and their ex?
unfortunately the ex will never go away. I think it is better if they are friends, but you should be included, so you don't feel insecure. The lie would bother me. I can see why he said that though, he didn't want to scare you away at the beginning, but it's time to get that divorce settled.
it sounds like you already know what the answer is and you just need somebody to validate your feelings. if he is not cooperating with counseling then there is nothing you can do. it sounds like you are putting more of an effort into fixing the relationship than he is and thats not fair. you deserve to feel like a priority in a mans life and it is time for you to quit wasting time with this guy and find someone who treats you right so you can start a life with them. there is no such thing as staying together for the kids when you are miserable, that doesnt make them happy
You say you don't want to be a doormat but somehow - HOW?! - you have no problem creating circs that turn your children into floorcloths! How is it that you are unable or unwilling to see the harm your selfish whelping poses to the innocents? Clearly, husband is unwilling to follow through on obligations he undertook during counselling and if you stay you show him that's OK with you. You're precisely where you were before you left, yet strangely, your answer to the dilemma is procreation! Of all things! What are you using for brains and a heart, one wonders? Hurry and pack your bags before the number of victims of this unfortunate relationship increases any further and make appt with a new therapist/counsellor to find out why you think more sex is an answer to fundamental marital discord.
Strange how neither you nor his ex mind this guy making fools of you. Why is that, I wonder? Does he purposely seek partners so damaged they'll put up with anything?
Hurry! Pack up!
He lied to you, and he shouldn't have. You need to tell him tomorrow is Monday...he has until Friday to make a huge effort to finalize the divorce. There needs to be a court date....he needs to come up with a custody agreement (his side of it anyway), he needs to get this moving. If he does not, then Friday you will start considering other things (such as moving out and filing for child support when your baby is born) because you deserve better than this. You won't be lied to and treated like crap. He knocked you up, and he is going to take responsibility for his actions.
Leave him. He lied to you in a very fundamental way. He can tell you all he wants that ';because they were separated for 4 years and they're divorced in his eyes.'; That argument has a hole the size of Cleveland in it. Legally, he is still married - who really cares what he thinks? - and on a practical level, anyone who hasn't completed a divorce in 4 years has more issues than a shelf full of National Geographics.
Bluntly, he is still married to her for a reason. And what's worse is, you know it.
Staying with him is damaging to YOU. And the children. So don't kid yourself that swallowing your misery every day is a good and noble sacrifice. He has told you clearly by his actions that that he is going to do exactly what he wants to do. You know you just don't matter. You also know what you deserve, which is someone who wants you as much as you want them.
You know your only choice is to leave. I can see it. You just need someone else to see what you see. I do. Please don't argue with him anymore. Just don't waste your time. He lied from the beginning, in the most fundamental way possible, for his own selfish and narcissistic purposes. I'm so sorry - but it doesn't change the situation. Keep smiling - but run, and keep running.
first off all your probably not going get out of it if its his daughter you just have to learn how to handle it because if you ask him to choice you or your daughter its probably gonna be his daughter but sense you have a son together i know its complicated but if you love him you will stay by his side trust me i just got away from my husbands crazy ex it was hell
Omg girl I imagine how u feel. I would try talking to him again and express how much he is hurting you. He has to understand that its not okay to have that kind of relationship with his ex. he needs to have communication with her because of their daughter but no need to be bffs or he should really analize his feelings if he still loves her he needs to let u go and stop hurting u. I agree with u about not having. Kids at least not right now. If u have tried different methods to try to solve the problem and he won't bother to try any of them he's not even making an effort honestly what do u think it means................I don't think he loves u. I know that's not what u want to hear but I know u want everyone to be honest .
I hope I'm wrong and after u talk to him things get better.
Good luck girl.
Just because 2 people get a divorce does not mean they have to nasty to one another they have a child together and until the child is atleast 18 yrs old he will always have to communicate with that child's mother so why not be civil towards each other ...You will drive this man away if you are not careful ..I can see you are very immature jealous person ,And one more thing you will always be second fiddle
Is it normal to realize you still have feelings for your ex hubby when you find out he is about to remarry?
I really thought I was over him, and have gone on with my life and have been pretty happy. I just found out not to long ago that he is getting married this summer, and I'm actually upset about . We have 2 kids together and have been divorced for 6 years. I too have remarried and love my husband very much and really feel guilty about the way I feel, and ofcourse can't talk to anyone about my feelings about this. I realize that I still have very strong feelings for him, and I really would like some advice about how I should deal with this............thanks so much to all that answer!!Is it normal to realize you still have feelings for your ex hubby when you find out he is about to remarry?
Its normal...MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!
2ptsIs it normal to realize you still have feelings for your ex hubby when you find out he is about to remarry?
It's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. After all, you spent years together and he is the mother of your children. I think it's part of the ';letting go'; we need to do after a divorce. This is the final goodbye to the relationship and you realize he is moving on and making a permanent home with another woman. Just acknowledge your feelings and know that you have a loving husband and family and your ex-husband wants that for himself as well. This is part of our personal growth - it's a hard part and I'm sure you will take some time to come to terms with it, but I wish you the best in your marriage and future.
God's blessings.
Girl, You need to get over him. I dont think that you still love him because you realized it when you found out that he's getting married again. Its a normal feeling to have but you cant stop him from getting married, specially because you remarried yourself. Let him live happy with his fiance since you have already found some one else.
Jealousy works that way. You feel devalued, even when such is not the case.
Even though you two divorced 6 yrs ago, it only really becomes final when one or the other moves on with his life. ( Takes a partner). You are feeling exactly what he probably felt when you got remarrid. Its normal, and of course you still have feelings. This is the father of your children. Be happy that he has found happiness as you have. You will always love him and that is why it hurts. ( Subconsiously he was still yours, but now The door has closed permanantly.)
This is very normal, you spent part of your life with this man and had two children.....
u just think that u have feelings for him.... u remarried so u moved on.... its kind of like this when someones says u can't have something u want it even more..... that what it is.... so don't worry about it.
once you loved someone they will forever be part of you.
think of the reason way you broke up with him and that will help you get though it.
IT is normal to have some feelings for that man. You shared you life with him for a while. You are emotionally attached to him because of that. Now you share your life with someone else. You must work to make this relationship greater then your last marriage.
If we learn from our mistakes, and apply them to our lives today to make our tomorrow better then our lives can become great.
Hold on to your present husband and love him like you wish you loved your ex. Make this marriage count, when you do this over time those feelings for your ex will grow smaller and smaller as the feelings for your now great husband grow greater and greater.
Best of luck
yes its normal
YOU DIVORCED HIM FOR A REASON.
NOW THINK ABOUT THAT.
IT'S OVER, LET HIM STAY GONE.
This is very normal because it takes time to get over someone completely and not love them that way and care about them as a spouse anymore... You can talk to me about this and you also may need counseling and help to get past the feelings for your first marriage and focus on this one.
Wait until the wedding, then basically throw yourself at him! Plead to take you back! It works in movies!
Oh my yes! Even if you have no desire to have him back. It is just the finality of it all. I went through the same thing. It goes away pretty quickly after you come to your senses!
I think it is normal. I am not so sure that it is due to the fact that you still have true feelings for your ex, or if it is because you feel ';replaced';. This is such a common thing. My best friend went through it too. She started thinking she still had feelings for her ex, but in reality she was just upset that he had found someone to replace her. ALL women want to feel special and irreplaceable. That is fact, so think long and hard about what your true feelings are before you ruin the relationship you are currently in.
typical---u want what u can't have
You never miss the water until the well runs DRY.
I think it is normal, i guess. I was married to my wife and mother of my child for 7years almost, and i found out she was cheating on me, and eventually left me for him...well that relationship did not last, and now she has a new boyfriend. I have to see her almost every other day, because I go see my son at her house.She does not live w/ her bf. And when i see her bf's go to her house to see her and stuff, I still feel jealous, but I try not to show it in front of her, but when i leave, it hurts a bit. So i think it is normal.And i always wish her the best w/ her bf's but inside i really don't.
Its normal...MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!
2ptsIs it normal to realize you still have feelings for your ex hubby when you find out he is about to remarry?
It's perfectly normal for you to feel this way. After all, you spent years together and he is the mother of your children. I think it's part of the ';letting go'; we need to do after a divorce. This is the final goodbye to the relationship and you realize he is moving on and making a permanent home with another woman. Just acknowledge your feelings and know that you have a loving husband and family and your ex-husband wants that for himself as well. This is part of our personal growth - it's a hard part and I'm sure you will take some time to come to terms with it, but I wish you the best in your marriage and future.
God's blessings.
Girl, You need to get over him. I dont think that you still love him because you realized it when you found out that he's getting married again. Its a normal feeling to have but you cant stop him from getting married, specially because you remarried yourself. Let him live happy with his fiance since you have already found some one else.
Jealousy works that way. You feel devalued, even when such is not the case.
Even though you two divorced 6 yrs ago, it only really becomes final when one or the other moves on with his life. ( Takes a partner). You are feeling exactly what he probably felt when you got remarrid. Its normal, and of course you still have feelings. This is the father of your children. Be happy that he has found happiness as you have. You will always love him and that is why it hurts. ( Subconsiously he was still yours, but now The door has closed permanantly.)
This is very normal, you spent part of your life with this man and had two children.....
u just think that u have feelings for him.... u remarried so u moved on.... its kind of like this when someones says u can't have something u want it even more..... that what it is.... so don't worry about it.
once you loved someone they will forever be part of you.
think of the reason way you broke up with him and that will help you get though it.
IT is normal to have some feelings for that man. You shared you life with him for a while. You are emotionally attached to him because of that. Now you share your life with someone else. You must work to make this relationship greater then your last marriage.
If we learn from our mistakes, and apply them to our lives today to make our tomorrow better then our lives can become great.
Hold on to your present husband and love him like you wish you loved your ex. Make this marriage count, when you do this over time those feelings for your ex will grow smaller and smaller as the feelings for your now great husband grow greater and greater.
Best of luck
yes its normal
YOU DIVORCED HIM FOR A REASON.
NOW THINK ABOUT THAT.
IT'S OVER, LET HIM STAY GONE.
This is very normal because it takes time to get over someone completely and not love them that way and care about them as a spouse anymore... You can talk to me about this and you also may need counseling and help to get past the feelings for your first marriage and focus on this one.
Wait until the wedding, then basically throw yourself at him! Plead to take you back! It works in movies!
Oh my yes! Even if you have no desire to have him back. It is just the finality of it all. I went through the same thing. It goes away pretty quickly after you come to your senses!
I think it is normal. I am not so sure that it is due to the fact that you still have true feelings for your ex, or if it is because you feel ';replaced';. This is such a common thing. My best friend went through it too. She started thinking she still had feelings for her ex, but in reality she was just upset that he had found someone to replace her. ALL women want to feel special and irreplaceable. That is fact, so think long and hard about what your true feelings are before you ruin the relationship you are currently in.
typical---u want what u can't have
You never miss the water until the well runs DRY.
I think it is normal, i guess. I was married to my wife and mother of my child for 7years almost, and i found out she was cheating on me, and eventually left me for him...well that relationship did not last, and now she has a new boyfriend. I have to see her almost every other day, because I go see my son at her house.She does not live w/ her bf. And when i see her bf's go to her house to see her and stuff, I still feel jealous, but I try not to show it in front of her, but when i leave, it hurts a bit. So i think it is normal.And i always wish her the best w/ her bf's but inside i really don't.
How do you deal with your current lover wanting you to see her ex?
It is ok to be weirded out by this?How do you deal with your current lover wanting you to see her ex?
are you lesbian?How do you deal with your current lover wanting you to see her ex?
I'm not quite sure I understand your question. Do you mean
1)your lover wants you to see her ex as in just look at her?
2)as in go out as friends with her?
3)Or as in get it on with her?!
4)OR your lover wants to see her ex again?
If it's:
1), then your new lover probably just wants you to see who she used to be with. Make the ex jealous because you're better!
2) I probably wouldn't want to go out as friends with my lover's ex. I would be weirded out by this.
3) If your lover wants you to get with her ex, then it's a bit weird
4) I would say bye :(
i wouldn't like that much
Wonder why she is thinking about him at all. Bad gf.
sound freaky, be careful, something is fishy.
Do you mean that your current lover has remained friends with the ex and wants you to get to know the ex? If that's the case, I don't see any problem with it. We all have a past. And sometimes part of that past stays with us. Sometimes we're able to keep ex-lovers as friends. We shouldn't be expected to give them up once we enter a new relationship. Just as they shouldn't expect us to give up our exes-turned-friends when we get into a new relationship. Anyone who would demand that of me doesn't know me or trust me at all. And I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.
Are you talking about see them as in hook up in a three way or just meet them socially? How long did they go out? How long ago did they break up etc?
I would not mind meeting someone socially at a party (bumping into) who used to date my wife. But I would not want my wife to set up a meeting to meet one of her exs.
Sorta weird.
no - unless you want them to go straight back then you should be cool about it
NO need to...and why should that even be up for discussion..UNLESS they have children together...and you will be around them...
I'd say ';adios';...she's got no dignity and no respect for you.
She wants a threesome. Go for it.
what are your ground rules for your relationship? as for me i have an open relationship, meaning i am in love with my partner, but if my partner wants to go out %26amp; ';play'; its fine, as long as my partner comes back home. -blurey
Maybe she wants to make him jealous? It shouldn't worry you if you're in a stable, healthy relationship.
I'm really weirded out by this.
but i say let her but let her know that u dont like the fact that she wants to see her ex
are you lesbian?How do you deal with your current lover wanting you to see her ex?
I'm not quite sure I understand your question. Do you mean
1)your lover wants you to see her ex as in just look at her?
2)as in go out as friends with her?
3)Or as in get it on with her?!
4)OR your lover wants to see her ex again?
If it's:
1), then your new lover probably just wants you to see who she used to be with. Make the ex jealous because you're better!
2) I probably wouldn't want to go out as friends with my lover's ex. I would be weirded out by this.
3) If your lover wants you to get with her ex, then it's a bit weird
4) I would say bye :(
i wouldn't like that much
Wonder why she is thinking about him at all. Bad gf.
sound freaky, be careful, something is fishy.
Do you mean that your current lover has remained friends with the ex and wants you to get to know the ex? If that's the case, I don't see any problem with it. We all have a past. And sometimes part of that past stays with us. Sometimes we're able to keep ex-lovers as friends. We shouldn't be expected to give them up once we enter a new relationship. Just as they shouldn't expect us to give up our exes-turned-friends when we get into a new relationship. Anyone who would demand that of me doesn't know me or trust me at all. And I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.
Are you talking about see them as in hook up in a three way or just meet them socially? How long did they go out? How long ago did they break up etc?
I would not mind meeting someone socially at a party (bumping into) who used to date my wife. But I would not want my wife to set up a meeting to meet one of her exs.
Sorta weird.
no - unless you want them to go straight back then you should be cool about it
NO need to...and why should that even be up for discussion..UNLESS they have children together...and you will be around them...
I'd say ';adios';...she's got no dignity and no respect for you.
She wants a threesome. Go for it.
what are your ground rules for your relationship? as for me i have an open relationship, meaning i am in love with my partner, but if my partner wants to go out %26amp; ';play'; its fine, as long as my partner comes back home. -blurey
Maybe she wants to make him jealous? It shouldn't worry you if you're in a stable, healthy relationship.
I'm really weirded out by this.
but i say let her but let her know that u dont like the fact that she wants to see her ex
How long did it take you to get over an ex or break-up?
I was with my ex for eight years and he decided to cheat and leave me for someone else, It sucks cuz he's already moved on and happy and I'm still sad and in disbelief about the whole thing. So I want to know from people who have experienced break-ups how long it took you to get over your ex, how long you were with them, what you did to get over them, and how did you deal if your significant other cheated on you and left you for that person?How long did it take you to get over an ex or break-up?
Until you can find closure to the whole thing and find someone else, you will be able to get over it.How long did it take you to get over an ex or break-up?
My ex and I were only together a year (compared to your 8), and it has been about nine months since he broke up with me. I'm over our break-up, but still not completely over him. We speak on a friend basis now and I will always love him. He tells me he loves me (just not in ';that way';) which makes the situation even worse. I think you may not completely get over him. A part of you will always still love him, but your sensible part will tell you that you deserve better and he didn't deserve you in the first place. I know it's hard, and it will hurt, but I think you will be fine. Good luck! Remember that everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!
For be it's been an average of (2) years since when I love, I give everything I have.
I do not regret it since it is the only way to experience love. Also you must hurt to know happiness...
As long as it took to locate an apartment.
It depended on the guy. Sometimes six months, sometimes a year, and there was one guy I obsessed about for almost ten years.
take the amount of months you dated and divide by two and thats how long it should take.. unless u 2 still hook up
which is a bad idea cause he will have his cake and eat it too and remember, time heals all.
you're not alone..
i was cheated on too--sad news, at first i didn't care.
but after a while i really missed him, to the extreme...
i found out that he was lying to be through are whole relationship--depressing stuff, but he still likes me
[which is kinda creepy] so i tease him and flirt like crazy with him..hehe
Well, I had a boyfriend and he cheated on me, it was nothing major, but it got to me, so it took me about a month, then we got back together, but it just wasn't the same, so after that, another month and a half because I was devastated that I knew it could never be the same again =/
2 years..yes 2 years!
we broke up bec. he
simply cheated!
it hurts alot, but with
the help of my gurl friends,
i learned to move on!
its been half a year b4
i get over him..
its sucks!really!
how?
bec. i felt that im so
god damn beautiful
inside and out and i
DONT DESERVED to
be cheated.,:b
he tried to talked to
me to fix it, but i said
i wanted to but the trust
will never go back.
without the trust, the
relationship will never
work out..
Until I found the next one.
I was broken hearted....devastated....I didn't know what to do.
Then, after about a month, I found the woman that ended up being my wife. That was 17 years ago and we've been happily married ever since.
I, now, realize how foolish I was to be so devastated about a girl who, obviously, didn't feel anything for me.
I wasn't, necessarily, looking for love. It just happened. Sometimes, love comes along when you least expect it.
10 months and counting.... we were together almost 2 years. yes he was a cheater but thats not why we broke up. expect a long hard road. hang in there.
IDK
as long as it took for them to walk out the door... because I know that if they were gone then it wasn't ment to be and that I will find the right person one day... which I already have.
I was dating my ex for 5 years. He didn't CHEAT ... but he was climbing up the ladder. We have been off and on for a year because I couldn't trust him and although he is truly sorry for what he did and people make mistakes.. we both weren't sure if we could ever mend the damage he caused to our relationship. I broke up with him at the end of Dec in 07 we are still apart... but were thinking of trying to work things out.. so im not over my ex.But I can give you some advice.
In every situation it's different and getting over your ex varies from person to person. I suggest, keep yourself occupied, forcing yourself not to do weak things like; calling him, looking through your pictures, force yourself not to think about him. Even try dating. That's the only thing you can really do. There's no one cure really for a broken heart.. but I hoped I helped.
about 4 months. it just depends on how you can motivate yourself to not think about them. and also how much you really loved them.
I have heard from many different sources that it takes about half the time you spent together, to get over someone.
Not necessarily true, but that's what I heard : )
Until you can find closure to the whole thing and find someone else, you will be able to get over it.How long did it take you to get over an ex or break-up?
My ex and I were only together a year (compared to your 8), and it has been about nine months since he broke up with me. I'm over our break-up, but still not completely over him. We speak on a friend basis now and I will always love him. He tells me he loves me (just not in ';that way';) which makes the situation even worse. I think you may not completely get over him. A part of you will always still love him, but your sensible part will tell you that you deserve better and he didn't deserve you in the first place. I know it's hard, and it will hurt, but I think you will be fine. Good luck! Remember that everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!
For be it's been an average of (2) years since when I love, I give everything I have.
I do not regret it since it is the only way to experience love. Also you must hurt to know happiness...
As long as it took to locate an apartment.
It depended on the guy. Sometimes six months, sometimes a year, and there was one guy I obsessed about for almost ten years.
take the amount of months you dated and divide by two and thats how long it should take.. unless u 2 still hook up
which is a bad idea cause he will have his cake and eat it too and remember, time heals all.
you're not alone..
i was cheated on too--sad news, at first i didn't care.
but after a while i really missed him, to the extreme...
i found out that he was lying to be through are whole relationship--depressing stuff, but he still likes me
[which is kinda creepy] so i tease him and flirt like crazy with him..hehe
Well, I had a boyfriend and he cheated on me, it was nothing major, but it got to me, so it took me about a month, then we got back together, but it just wasn't the same, so after that, another month and a half because I was devastated that I knew it could never be the same again =/
2 years..yes 2 years!
we broke up bec. he
simply cheated!
it hurts alot, but with
the help of my gurl friends,
i learned to move on!
its been half a year b4
i get over him..
its sucks!really!
how?
bec. i felt that im so
god damn beautiful
inside and out and i
DONT DESERVED to
be cheated.,:b
he tried to talked to
me to fix it, but i said
i wanted to but the trust
will never go back.
without the trust, the
relationship will never
work out..
Until I found the next one.
I was broken hearted....devastated....I didn't know what to do.
Then, after about a month, I found the woman that ended up being my wife. That was 17 years ago and we've been happily married ever since.
I, now, realize how foolish I was to be so devastated about a girl who, obviously, didn't feel anything for me.
I wasn't, necessarily, looking for love. It just happened. Sometimes, love comes along when you least expect it.
10 months and counting.... we were together almost 2 years. yes he was a cheater but thats not why we broke up. expect a long hard road. hang in there.
IDK
as long as it took for them to walk out the door... because I know that if they were gone then it wasn't ment to be and that I will find the right person one day... which I already have.
I was dating my ex for 5 years. He didn't CHEAT ... but he was climbing up the ladder. We have been off and on for a year because I couldn't trust him and although he is truly sorry for what he did and people make mistakes.. we both weren't sure if we could ever mend the damage he caused to our relationship. I broke up with him at the end of Dec in 07 we are still apart... but were thinking of trying to work things out.. so im not over my ex.But I can give you some advice.
In every situation it's different and getting over your ex varies from person to person. I suggest, keep yourself occupied, forcing yourself not to do weak things like; calling him, looking through your pictures, force yourself not to think about him. Even try dating. That's the only thing you can really do. There's no one cure really for a broken heart.. but I hoped I helped.
about 4 months. it just depends on how you can motivate yourself to not think about them. and also how much you really loved them.
I have heard from many different sources that it takes about half the time you spent together, to get over someone.
Not necessarily true, but that's what I heard : )
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