Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How to deal with ex for your child?

Ok so it sounds like a stupid question but would just like some advice.





Me and the father of my child have split after 7 years, its been seven years of pain, lies, his cheating, even having a child elsewhere with another woman and Im emotionally a mess, i am about to start my life again really, have to build up my self esteem etc. I know il be ok one day but how for now do I deal with him, he has just sent me a text apologising for the way he spoke to me the last time (it was disgusting) we spoke and that he would like to see his son soon and ive been ok the last couple of days but when i read the text the tears started again...





if anyones been in a similar situation or has any advice would much appreciated it, i want to be strong for my son and deal with this the right way.... i luv my son more than anything in this world and i do not want my pain and feelings towards his dad to affect him....








thanx in advance for any answers xxHow to deal with ex for your child?
First of all you need to take charge of the situation and be strong in doing it. Set guidelines with him and enforce them. You need to let him know that it is over, and the apologizing and trying to make you feel bad needs to stop. Tell him that you will not argue with him about anything, and that the only communication you need with each other should be strictly about your son and your son ONLY! I have been through this, and the best way I found of dealing with all of the pain and anger was to limit my communication with him. If we tried to discuss anything else, it was always an argument and him trying to make me feel bad for all of the things he did to me. He doesn't need to know anything about you unless it concerns his son. The sooner you start this process, the sooner your self esteem will build. Only you can take control of your life. It's up to you now.....Be strong for your son.How to deal with ex for your child?
He knows what to say, and it's all a game to him. Don't read any text he sends you ... just delete it. Tell him if he has something to say that he needs to call you.





It's easy for him to ';apologize';over a text message, but if you are truly sorry you call... you don't text.





I think you should definitely seek a good therapist. This man has beaten you down, and I can tell you still have feelings for him.





Just remember that it's between you and him, not your son. Your son still has the right of having a dad, but don't let him come and go as he pleases.
I have been there very messy very distressing the best thing i did was go to the solicitors. Even though my ex chose to be abusive and uncivil i made it clear to my solicitor i wanted all the letters sent out to be polite and i had no contact with my ex at all . on occasion now i do go through my ex mothering law. Dont get it twisted at the start it was ranting and raving shouting and screaming. my son was 7 then he is now 12 and i still have no contact with his dad. You can also go through a mediation centre your solicitor will offer that to you. you decide when you want your son to see his dad and stick to it dont let him push you or try to make you feel guilty about anything. Make it clear through the solicitor that if your ex starts t let your boy down there will be consequences. And keep all copys of the letters sent so if he does mess up he cant say you wouldnt let him visit you have letters to prove you tried to do right by your son. take care good luck . I am engaged to the love of my life and have 3 kids you will be haps x

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