How do you deal with seeing your ';ex'; every single day after you have broken up?

So i had a 3 year involvement with a co-worker. It was very intense, highly sexual, but alos frought with many unhealthy problems. In the end my work began to be seriously affected and based on that , along with other reasons and red flags about some possessive and controlling behavour i began to see from him, i decided to end the interaction so i asked for space to refocus and basically to make sure i dint get fired ( since i was on the verge - had several talks with my direct boss as well as HR who has given me a time limit to get my *** back on track). For me , taking space away from that realtionship involves the end of communication, basically cold turkey style. I told him this about 4 weeks ago and intially he accepted, however shorty after the discussion it took him another 3 weeks of him contantly calling me, emailing me and actually physically coming into my office for him to get the pic. He got the pic based on my ignoring and in the end i had to be mean and threaten that i would report his ';harrassment'; to HR. I wish he had simply agreed and understood based on our civilised discussion as oppose to responding to my perceived meanness and harshness. BUT what i really want to get you guys opinion on is - how do i deal with seeing him everyday. I am still attracted to him, my heart feels tight when he passes or when i pass by him in the corridor, i do still think of him sexually , it didn't end becuase of lack of feeling or passion, i ended it becuase it was unhealthy for many reasons and it was truly affecting my work productivity and my professional reputation. I felt liek i had no separate idenity at work other than being involved with him. It ruled my mind and my thoughts. We used to have lunch everyday out of office and most times we would take like two hour lunches ect etc ... no responsabilty. so please help me with methods to be strong and disregard my feelings of desire ectHow do you deal with seeing your ';ex'; every single day after you have broken up?
It's important to get your mind busy on other things; the first being your job. Evaluate what you can be doing to focus on improving your work performance. You were very smart to see the problems involved in a workplace romance. It could have cost you everything! Now focus on being the best at what you do. Then, get yourself busy on other things. Join a health club or a book club or a charity or take a class or anything that is going to make you busy and keep your mind actively involved in something besides your ';ex';. Think of that guy as ';poison';, to be avoided at all costs. Once you equate your relationship with him as ';deadly'; and ';toxic';, it won't be so hard. Also, start making friends with others at work. I don't doubt that you alienated a lot of people in your workplace who had to know what was going on. Start looking at building friendships with your other co-workers as well as people outside of the office. Create a social life for yourself that doesn't include the ';ex';. It gets easier over time.How do you deal with seeing your ';ex'; every single day after you have broken up?
If you guys like each other - why not try again. But this time, go to counseling. (As long as he was never violent or showed an abusive side). And you could set up some dating rules. Like: 1) while at work, we must remain 100% professional. 2) We need to be healthy in this relationship and support each other in our jobs. 3) Go to counseling if things start to slide downhill again.


I would have NEVER thought counseling would EVER work. I always thought it was for people with serious problems. But, that isn't true. It is very much for situations just like yours. Where you don't know what to do. Believe me, I was inches from a separation from my husband when we went to counseling. He had to drag me there because it just sounded brutal to sit through. But, it was actually quite interesting to get to the meat of the problems and hear exactly what to do about it. We learned what the root of our problems were and what to avoid. We have had a very happy relationship ever since. I have another question though. How did he cause your work to suffer and almost get fired? Because my husband and I do things together to support our jobs. That is part of our relationship. For example: We do our laundry %26amp; ironing together for the week. We do grocery shopping and cooking together. We help each other at our jobs by listening about problems and how to resolve them etc....Work is VERY much a priority because we know we need our jobs and we like to save our money. Why not work together to support each other in that area.
i think you can't get rid of your feelings just because you have to...it simply must fade away itself. and it's not going to happen if there's not another point of interest in your life. you need to find something to focus on...not a distraction but something real that you'll fill your life with...it could be a new man/social, sport activities etc...something to think of. i don't know if this man is really worth it all but in case he is then consider finding another job and that would mean you date another man, not a colleague.you can't disregard your feelings otherwise you hurt yourself a lot...despite to the fact that you've already begun to do so.