How would you deal with your ex if you were in my shoes?

Facts: 1. He is several months behind on his child support (which is mearly 300.00 per month!) 2. he is a bar tender as he feels he has no skills nor desire to work for anyone.


3. My child who is in the teens does not wish to see him at his house or sleep over (as she has to share a bed with her half brother who is 10, or sleep on the couch as he rents a room with several other people) much anymore but likes to see him when he comes to visit her at our house with her friends.


Question: since he told me he has not paid taxes in several years, do I go thru the IRS to get the back child support and risk him making my daughter go to his house (he feels if he is going to pay she will come whether she wants to or not) or should I just continue not rocking the boat (even though I really need the money now) so that my kids life won't be miserable? What if he gets thrown in prison for back taxes and child support, I am worried he might make my kids life a living hell! Any Suggestions?How would you deal with your ex if you were in my shoes?
CSE = child support enforcement....





not sure that the irs is going to do anything...?? besides get him on evasionHow would you deal with your ex if you were in my shoes?
if you hit him up for check garnishment then most likely he will lose his income tax refunds to you also. But this does not mean he automatically gets his parental visits and overnight stays. i`m finding out the hard way that visitational rights are a seperate deal altogether. just because you pay child support does not mean you automatically get to see your kids. Plus my13 year old daughter doesnt like spending the night anymore either. everybody tells me its because she`s a teen now but that doesnt make it any easier
You need to separate the two issues. One issue is the Child support, the other is the visitation. With the child being in her teens, there is no way the court will force her to see him nor stay at his abode. The support issue is best handled by the system in your county. That way neither you nor the child is in the middle. They will take care of it. As for the IRS, they will catch up with him and that is not going to be pleasant.
I'd make his life a living hell and rock that boat so hard, it would throw his *** out of it.
Your daughter is old enough to say if she wants to stay there or not. If he does not have proper sleeping arrangements for her then she does not have to stay. If he has a problem with that tell him to take you to court, which I am sure he wont because he will have to explain himself to the judge. As for child support I would file with child support office in your state
How badly do you need the money?





I don't know that going through the IRS will get you anywhere financially. You would be entitled to any refunds he would get, but if he owes them....you don't see a dime.





If he gets thrown in jail he can't do much to hurt your child, now can he?





I don't agree at all with what he's doing, but if you need the money that he owes you, go to domestic relations and have them put the pressure on him. Considering the sleeping arrangements at his house, you may be able to work it that your daughter doesn't have to sleep over, but she may have to go spend the day there.





I don't envy you, doesn't sound like an easy choice.
Stick it to him. He won't get thrown in prison, but he will have to live up to his commitments.
He will get thrown in prison for back taxes if it is determined that he had taxable income and if he cannot pay the back taxes.





You should get an attorney. Tell them confidentially what's going on, what you don't want to see happen (your daughter getting hurt), and how you can get the money you are owed. You should do this before she turns 18 as most states will collect the money from him after she turns 18 and not a penny will go to you or her
You guys are operating on the belief that as long as he isn't paying anything he won't press any visitation issues, and once he's made to pay, then he's magically in the position to make demands. The court will only care about what has been established. You guys should have some kind of legal visitation agreement that you should be following, and I'm sure that it does not make allowances for either of you to modify it on a whim. He doesn't pay, and you don't allow him to see his daughter. He has to pay, then she has to visit him. You don't get to manipulate each other like that. The money your ex is supposed to be paying is a separate issue from visitation.
Let it go. Find another way to take care of your finances. Things will eventually catch up to him. My ex was about $26000 behind. You have no idea how crazy it made me. We sometimes had to go to the shelter for free meals and I couldn't get anything out of him. I somehow managed on my own and he is now paying child support plus arrears after being tracked down by the attorney general's office. Trying to get the money yourself is stressful and frustrating.
He should go to prison, the jerk, if only so that he will stop impregnanting women and then leaving them to dry.


You've got nothing to lose. How can he force someone in their teens to live with them - don't the courts give the child the choice if they are 12 yrs old or older? Maybe your daughter should see that there are consequences for stupid actions although it's a really harsh lesson to be exposed to.
I've been there. Here is my advice. Get a good lawyer immediately. Take him to court for back child support. Make his living situation (renters, girl sleeping with 10-year-old boy, etc.) known to your attorney and the judge and you will likely get an order for no visitations at his residence unless he can provide a more safe and sane environment. If he is not living in the same state, you may have much difficulty getting the child support, but get a lawyer's opinion on this. If he lives in the same state it's reasonably easy to get him to make the payments. It's well worth your time and effort. Your kids deserve this income to your household, whether you spend it on nicer furnishings, a better place to live, or if you make the decision to work less hours to be available more hours to your kids. Don't be afraid to force the ex to do what he is legally required to do.
Your local or state D.A. should have a child support division that can help you get child support from your ex. You definitely need to at least try and get support from him. Regarding custody, you should probably talk to a lawyer about that. Does your divorce decree spell out his custody/visitation rights? If so, then you can always go back to the judge with evidence to show why he shouldn't be allowed to visit her or have her over for the night. The behavior you've described from him definitely constitutes a revision of the custody agreement. No parent should use their child as a pawn in their personal games, and that is what he is trying to do. Good luck!
throw him into prison
If he is a bartender (unless he owns his own bar) he is working for someone. From the way you write this, it seems he does not pay taxes. If he is many years behind, he will lose what he owns, and if he is lying, he will go to federal prison for tax evasion. You don't go to the IRS for child support, not sure why you would think that, you would go through the court system and show that he had paid no child support. The court will take over from there and he will be dealt with accordingly. If your child does not wish to see him, allow your child to stay at your home and see your husband when he visits. If he is mean to the child, stop visits altogether.
First and foremost, if you're still in the area where you obtained the order for child support, march yourself right back to the courthouse and petition that he has not been paying his child support. The next course of action is to contact your local Department of Social Services if you can't afford a lawyer. They may be able to give you tremendous aid in this situation. He can't force your daughter to do anything, especially now that she's a teenager. Sleeping in the same bed with anyone, especially a male, will be HIGHLY frowned upon in the eyes of the court. Sounds like you have all of the cards. Now take action asap.





Edited to say that I highly recommend you talk to someone in the legal department regarding the visitation. You are both bound by contract - he pays child support, your daughter visits. You risk being held in contempt if you go against what was agreed upon. Best wishes to you and yours.